my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
