So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
