I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She bit a glass in half.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
