omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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