I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
