so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
