What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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