apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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