I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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