Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i drank out of a bidet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
