Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
