Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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