his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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