Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
