Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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