Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
