Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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