Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
