Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Pooping to opera.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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