Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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