You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
