are you still at the devil's house?
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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