whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
