i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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