i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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