booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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