why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
