Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
