That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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