you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
