Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
