found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
