Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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