I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
