Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
