now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
