Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
