she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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