all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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