I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
