I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
