just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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