Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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