you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
