Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
