Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
