found the other keg... it's in the tree
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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