Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
