We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
