I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
